Sometimes…I Hate My Kids
As parents we're constantly ping pong-ing from "I love my kids SOOOOO much, they're the best thing that ever happened in my life" to "Ugh, I can't handle this anymore. One more word and I will explode!" Do you feel that? Because I do. All. The. Time.
But guess what? Turns out, their behavior is not about you. They're not doing it to you. I swear, it’s actually a good thing! It's our sign that we need to figure out what our children need to learn! Does that mean it’s not hard? No, it’s VERY hard.
And as Your Brain Gal, I want to share the resources, tools, and knowledge to take a step back, take a breath, and UNDERSTAND where our kids’ behavior comes from and WHY their brains work the way they do.
Let me introduce you to Fronnie and Amy G
Amy G is our amygdala, the emotional center of our brain. Fronnie is the control center of our brain, where it takes Amy G’s emotions (e.g. I’m angry) and decides what to do with it (do I kick and scream OR do I breathe and calmly tell mom that I’m angry?).
Because Fronnie takes a long time to fully develop (not until early twenties!), unfortunately, Amy G runs the show most of the time. And this is where you see the tantrums and screaming and kicking…
When Amy G runs the show, no logic or reason can calm her down. Fronnie runs and hides and will not be able to control any actions anymore.
So...what to do in these heated moments?
CONNECT
First, UNDERSTAND how YOU are feeling. Now put that away in a box. Then, figure out what your child is trying to tell you (message, not the delivery), and try to UNDERSTAND what's happening with them.
CALM
Help you AND your child’s Amy G calm down by taking a break, whether it is breathing, counting, hugging, or removing them from the situation if needed. You're helping your child's brain stop and change directions, giving Fronnie time to recharge her batteries.
CONTROL
Once the brain has calmed down enough to think rationally, help Fronnie take back control by providing the strategies for control and expression.
Example: You were frustrated and threw that pencil across the room. Could you try to take a breath and use your words to tell me how you’re feeling?